Shark Beast 2: Paranormal Sharkitivity
SHARK BEAST 2:
PARANORMAL SHARKITIVITY
by RUSS COOPER
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All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2011 by Russ Cooper
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Table of Contents
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One--"Shark Beast 2"
BONUS MATERIAL -- Sneak Peeks
Sneak Peeks include samples from 4 of Russ Cooper's other novels, including--
SHARK BEAST
VAMPIRE LAKE
GIRL ON A LAPTOP
BY ALL MEANS, ROME
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collect them all
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-- Tentacle ONE --
Two Brave, Horny Teens
They kissed.
A lot.
"I don't think we should do this."
"Oh, c'mon. It'll be fun."
~ ~ ~
Kali pulled her bikini top back in place.
She thought about stalking off; not seriously, of course -- just pretending to. Making him, she didn't know, jealous or something. That would show him. Theoretically. She didn't, of course. After all, he was sooo good-looking...
So: they kissed.
Then a little bit more.
Then a whole lot more.
Under Steve's bikini-grabbing, lip-kissing guidance, they stepped over the NO TRESPASSING wire, and stumbled over onto the restricted part of the beach.
~ ~ ~
"I don't think we should do this," she said, even as he removed her bikini top.
"Oh, c'mon. It'll be fun."
~ ~ ~
"I don't know ... I feel frightened," Kali whispered, "I mean, if we're going to do it" -- and obviously, they were -- "let's go back, get a room, or the back of your car, even..."
"You're scared?" he laughed, guiding her clumsily but persistently toward the sparkling water. "Being out here late at night all alone?" His expression, abruptly demented now, eyes poisoned, perverse and sly. "Then I guess you know ... 'The Story,' huh?"
(Working on her bikini bottoms now.)
"The Story...?" she said, shivering. Shivering. Not because of the cool night waters ebbing around her ankles, her legs, her thighs -- no. Shivering for a whole new set of reasons she wasn't sure she wanted to find out about.
He paused, just for a moment, wicked fun in his grin.
"It was a year ago, this com-iiing Halloween," he suddenly moaned in a movie announcer voice, "eleven months and one day ago this very night, when a strange, unbelievable creature in these very waters went wild, and took a half-dozen good citizens to the bloody depths--"
"Oh, come on, be nice," she whimpered, the waters rushing around her back. Shivering now, shivering. A lot.
"-- in this very town, this promenade, this boardwalk villa, Halloween came bearing teeth and jaws and tentacles. Bearing hard. It was a wild, terri-frrying night, that started and ended as quickly as it began, not to be seen hide nor... tentacle ... again."
He leaned in, close enough to withhold a kiss.
"Not seen since that horr-rrible evening, by this very sea, beneath these very waters. But ... one year later ... on the anniversary of those crazed events ... would it, could it, come back? Two brave horny teens ... were about ... to find out...!"
She didn't like this. Didn't like it at all. Nothing but shivers now -- felt like she should just get up and go, get away-- for real, no pretending --
~ ~ ~
"I don't think we should do this," she whispered, one more time, but it was, of course, well past that point.
~ ~ ~
So, they kissed.
And kissed some more.
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"Oh, c'mon. It'll be fun," he said, almost in a mocking voice.
This time, though:
She didn't say anything.
~ ~ ~
Like she was barely breathing, even, or something. It took him a long time to notice that, but eventually, even a good-looking guy like Steve comes around. Obviously -- this is him deducing -- obviously, she'd decided to just lay there and let him have his fun but act all like she was doing him some favor -- or, you know, something -- whatever --
Man, who could figure out these girls?
Who really bothered to figure them out?
Though he did finally feel a bit of a shiver himself -- a small one -- when the ocean splattered kind of sticky on his chest, and then -- she pinched him?
(Finally! Naughty girl!)
He looked down to see -- (red) -- in the middle of her chest --
(red?)
(red)
-- in the middle of her chest -- poking out of it, actually -- boring out of her chest, was what looked like --
(giant worm? snake?)
(red! lots of it!)
Nope.
Yep.
-- a tentacle.
~ ~ ~
Took a minute --
--but good-looking Steve, he came around.
He gasped.
He choked.
Then started bawling.
~ ~ ~
-- her arms (what) were at her sides (how odd) bobbing in the ebb and flow of the frothy, bloody-crimson splashing waters. So what was (confused now) wrapped around him (panic rising) holding him in a clinch--?
(no sense no sense at--)
He never found out.
The tentacles tightened on him so hard and fast his ribs cracked and his brain went fuzzy and (jolt) the tentacle boring out of his girlfriend's chest went (hello! goodbye!) boring straight through the side of his head.
He didn't scream.
He didn't anything.
Bye, Stevie.
~ ~ ~
The two bodies left long, sluggish drag marks in the beach, as they slipped away into the waters, leaving only a bikini and dimming, swirling trails of blood.
~ ~ ~
Eleven months and one day ago this very night...
Shark Beast was back.
Tentacle TWO
Meet The Girls
14 days later.
~ ~ ~
The first of the girls to arrive were, as promised, spectacular.
College girls -- junior college girls, actually -- from the local drama department, three hotties strutting (or trying to) awkwardly out of the back of the dune buggy. Mike recognized their types right away -- sigh -- mentally ticking down the college drama chick list of stereotypes sighted and confirmed...
First, ahhh, yes... the Blonde Ingenue. The 'usta be'. As in -- used to be prom queen, used to be head cheerleader, used to be homecoming princess ... usta be on and on until whoops-boomshakalaka -- high school graduation, the 12-year princess party over, done! Time to find something in junior college to replace all that lost LOOK AT ME attention suddenly gone bye-bye ... so, voila, hello drama department.
(Vital Stats: Very breasty. Lots of suspicious highlights. Usually had a name spelled with more vowels than you'd normally expect.)
Meet Britnee.
Next out of the dune bug, Cute But Oooh Sooo Angry Punk Chick. Something in her childhood happened you don't want to know about. Which she would never tell you anyway. Which, in a way, works out for everyone because, man -- you don't want to know. Very sexy-looking -- or would be, if not for that punky haircut, those -- of course -- obligatory, oh-so-predictably-"radical" tattoos, and the whole I might be a lesbian so what's it to you dude! vibe she's got going. If she had any talent she'd be in the art department, if she could sing she'd be in some contentious indie band, but, lucky you, she's right splat in the middle of the drama department. When she's not working both sides of the counter at Hot Topic, of course.
(Vital Stat
s: Surprisingly well-built and fashionable for somebody who supposedly doesn't give a crap. Beautiful eyes. Usually totin' a name that sounds like one of those bands from the Seventies with the album covers filled with bearded mushrooms and elves playing bass to an audience of unicorns.)
Meet Alysia.
And thirdly -- oooh, there she is. The rarest of them all -- the really real "drama student" drama student. The one who's actually heard of David Mamet. The one who takes the whole theatre experience seriously. A little too seriously. Oh, who's kidding who -- she takes it so seriously she makes you want to pull a little David Mamet on her. And you probably would, except -- she's so hot. Of course she is, all drama chicks are, they're crazy, damaged, mixed up, overly suspicious, freakishly vengeful and madder than the Joker on a box of Froot Loops -- but they're all so ... freakin' ... hot. "Normal" and "smokin'" never seem to go together, unfortunately.
(Vital Stats: Very mysterious. Odd but surprisingly sexy glasses. Transfixingly raven-haired. The creamiest (if somewhat pale) skin you'll ever see. Usually has a name from any other period of history aside from whatever's the current one.)
Meet Katherina.
"I don't think we should do this," Mike muttered, as the three smokin' hot drama chicks stretched and yawned next to the dune buggy, then -- after another take a niiice long look, boys pose -- headed toward the front porch of the large beach house.
"Don't listen to him, girls, all directors are insane," the driver of the dune buggy laughed (a little too loudly) as he hopped out and danced (actually danced!) his way to Mike's side. "Just go inside, relax, beers in the fridge, sodas too, but mostly beers, help yourself, we'll be right in."
The girls giggled -- well, actually, only Britnee giggled, that was her thing, giggling, the other two girls just scowled and gave vaguely suspicious looks -- as they sashayed their way into the beach house.
Jake the Producer gave Mike one of his patented you're killin' me, dude! producer smiles. Jake the Producer was good at smiling, he had a million of 'em, all of which came in handy when, say, he was hiring you (smile!), was firing you (different smile!), was rehiring you (third kind of smile), and when he was about to give you one of his also-patented "How Life Works" lectures (patented fourth kind of smile!)...
... that was the kind of smile he was smiling now.
"Didn't we agree not to mutter things like that in front of the talent?" he asked, all teeth.
"Huh, the 'talent,'" Mike chuckled derisively.
Jake The Producer's smile didn't dim one megawatt -- just shifted a bit (you're killin' me, dude!) then back to "How Life Works"...
"Mike, dude -- you're the director, I respect that. I'm the producer, nobody respects that, but I respect that nobody respects that, that's what being a producer is," Jake The Producer said, grinning away. "But The Talent is The Talent, and The Talent is where it's at, so we've both got to respect that, even if they are a bunch of airheads from a community junior college. Capice?"
"I know, I know, sorry for speaking out loud and all," Mike said, with a sigh.
"Hey, you're an artist, you've got a temperament, I totally dig that about you," Jake the Producer said, showing an almost legit-looking smile. "But those girls, I got to tell you, they're going to need a little coddling, even more than the usual. We're going to all be here snug as bugs for the next 2 weeks, so..."
"I know, I know."
"-- bed bugs, if we're lucky..." (That smile, now.)
"I know, I know."
"So, you dig? You copacetic?"
"Yeah, I'm just ... yeah. I know. I dig already."
"Look, Michael, my man, I know this isn't your idea of, you know, primo moviemaking, but--"
"Really, Jake the P, you don't have to--"
"No, Mike, let's get it out. While the girls, y'know, mark their territory. And set the groundwork for later catfights -- if we're lucky." That grin again. "Anyway, like I said, we've got two weeks, 14 short but sweet days, and, you know, there's not a lot of room for hesitation and second thoughts." His voice got a little more serious than Mike was expecting, which usually meant Cut the BS, m'man! Time To Listen Up! So Mike did just that as Jake the Producer continued grinning and spinning. "Look, we'd all like to be working for Steve Spielberg instead of some cheesy direct-to-video 'mockbuster' crap studio specializing in movies that sound suspiciously like more famous real movies -- but what it is is what it is, my man." He threw his arm around Mike's shoulders, my man! style, in case Mike didn't get it the first two times. "Our destiny has brought you and I to Beddlam Studioz, the home of 'The Dinosaur Code,' 'The Transforminators,' 'Bram Stoker's Aliens Vs Zombie Sherlock Holmes,' 'Snakes on the Titanic,' 'The Day The Earth Hardly Moved' -- slightly familiar-sounding masterpieces that occasionally showcase down on their luck pop stars from the 80's, semi-retired sitcom actors, and the assorted lesbian or two. Or ten. If we're lucky."
He gave Mike a producerly squeeze.
"That, like it or not, is destiny for guys like us," he said, wistfully, all teeth and suspiciously shiny enamel. "Face it, we're misfits, Lucky To Have Any Job Hollywood Misfits." He leaned his grinning face closer. "I mean, we're gettin' real, so let's get realer than reals real here -- we don't need to go into details, do we? Career histories? Our assorted tales of Tinsel Town woe?"
Mike shook his head.
No. We most certainly do not.
"Good," Jake the Producer said, switching to another variation of his almost legit smiles. "Then we're on the same page, then?"
Mike nodded.
Yes. We most certainly are.
Jake the P was a pain in the everywhere. But you had to give it to him -- he knew how to do the producer dirty work. And smile while he did it to you.
Mike nodded some more.
"Good," Jake the P mega-grinned, message delivered, message received. "Mood switch! You're really going to like this."
Out of one of his many cargo vest producer pockets, he pulled out a very crumpled slip of paper, and let Mike read it. Well, made Mike read it.
~ ~ ~
fresh smokin' hot dish
from the gossip-celeb website
GAWK OF THE TOWN
Street Date -- Next October 31!
Beddlam Studioz is known for many things ...
... 'Mega-Romeo and Juliet-a-gator,' 'Kung Fu Panther Vs Mega-Anaconda,' the multi-jurisdictional 'Star Wars Trek of the Avatar Kind' copyright court case, the unbroken streak of 'Worst Of Everything Ever' Razzie Lifetime Awards -- and who could forget that girl from the Go-Go's catfighting with that girl from that old 'Cars' "You Might Think" video...
But, all that's NOTHING compared to their next "disasterpiece."
Yes, bad movie lovers, Direct-To-DVD will never be the same...
SHARK BEAST:
PARANORMAL SHARKITIVITY
Either this is the most tasteless exploitation movie ever made, or it's a stroke of such demented genius that ...
Oh, who are we kidding, it's the most tasteless exploitation movie ever etc etc.
Though it does have a few "firsts" for the much-mocked "mockbuster" studio. Obviously half the movie is (depending on your point of view) ..."based" ... "inspired" ... "completely ripped-off-from" ... a much more original and already famous movie (in this case the sleeper hit "Paranormal Activity") -- of course, that's the usual Beddlam Moviemakin' M.O. But what's new is the second "inspiration" -- in this case, the actual real-life "shark beast" attacks of a year or so ago, back in the now infamous Parrot's Cove. But -- as said, that was a year ago, and besides, there's already been a vaguely entertaining but exceedingly bland quickie cable movie version of the whole thing. Not exactly timely stuff for Professional Exploitationistas like the Beddlam gang, you might think--
Unless you've got an Internet connection, of course.
One of the biggest recent viral videos is the supposed late night security footage of two horny teenagers making out on Parrot's Cove beach -- and coming to a very grisly (and multi-tentacled) end. One can almo
st imagine the dollar signs going ping! in the Beddlam head honchos' bulging eyeballs, like something out of a Warner Bros. cartoon, when that clip made its way around the blogosphere. The teens were never found or identified, and that, combined with the unlikelihood that even a beach as notorious and scarily well-known as Parrot's Cove would have those kind of conveniently positioned security cameras, this raised the suspicion that Beddlam themselves might have manufactured the footage as a PR Stunt.
They've denied it.
And to be frank, we believe them.
First of all, this is actually too imaginative a bit for them to have come up themselves -- originality isn't their forte, as everyone knows -- and, more to the point (especially if you've ever had the misfortune to actually have sat through a Beddlam flick) the footage is actually too good and well-composed to be their handiwork. It's even in focus, for goodness sakes!
But stories from supposed "real life" is not all that's new for these cinematic geniuses ...
A typical Beddlam film budget is pretty miserly -- and, believe us, it shows -- which explains why the majority of their work takes place either in the woods or an abandoned warehouse. So it's a bit of a surprise (and a publicity coup), that "SB:PS" is actually being filmed at the actual beach house of one of the actual victims of the actual original shark beast attacks. Actually! Which house is unclear, at least to us, but shame and common decency kept us from asking, let alone printing it even if we did know. (Which, we repeat: we do not.) (And don't want to know.)... That, plus we didn't really want to know who would allow their house to be used for such tasteless exploitational blah blah blah...
But then -- such is the state of cinema these days. Oh well. We can't wait to see how they fit in the kick-boxing lesbians.
So, prepare to accidentally rent this movie come the next scary season when you're reaching for something else.
At least until 'Larry Potter and The Cauldron of Caribbean Mega-Pirates With The Dragon Tattoo' comes out to take its place.
Gawk ya later...
~ ~ ~
"You know the funny part of this," Mike said, handing back the crumpled paper. "You actually think this is complimentary."