Shark Beast 2: Paranormal Sharkitivity Page 13

  Mike's eyes turned steely, as did his voice. "If you say one more word, I'm going to throw you out there into Camera Bob's car, which just so happens--" Here his voice dropped, the words ice-chillied -- "to be covered with blood."

  Sienna choked.

  But didn't say anything.

  The word blood was what did it.

  For Jake the P and Katherina too -- now they were both leaning forward, looking.

  And it was true.

  The flickering headlights showed blood splatters on the open doors, and -- seemingly -- dry-dripping off the seats.

  And a couple of the windows were cracked, and bloody as well.

  A long silence.

  "Well, who cares, I don't, you better --" stuttered Sienna, her drugged dander riling up --

  Jake the P gave her a growl, and shoved her back. "Enough. This is serious."

  And it was.

  For the first time -- ever maybe --

  Jake the Producer finally came up against something he didn't have a smile for.

  Everyone exchanged glances.

  A dark purple silence.

  Sienna tauntingly thumped her head against the glass. But didn't say anything. Or bother to cover her toplessness. Or --

  Suddenly, a thump-thump-thump.

  And some slimy scratching sounds.

  And some click-clicks.

  Everyone looked at each other.

  Then, slowly looked up.

  Something was on the roof.

  ~ ~ ~

  No one reacted.

  At least, until, uncurling like a vine, down the window closest to Sienna's no longer thumping head...

  A tentacle.

  ~ ~ ~

  And then, well...

  ... someone reacted.

  Big time.

  (Guess who?)

  Sienna let loose with an ear-punch of a screech, and she kicked open that door, and out she went. Even then, her face wretched with fear and anger and belligerent how dare this happen to me --

  -- her big breasts bouncing and swaying --

  -- jeans hanging off one leg --

  -- thong flinging off into the shadows --

  -- staggering and flopping and I'm famous and rich and me me me no fair no way not to me --

  Even as the shark beast leapt off the roof, and wrapped its tentacles around her naked torso (lucky beast!) and the movie star screech turned into a movie star wail and blood --

  -- so much blood --

  -- spurting and filling the night like some sort of horror movie water sprinkler --

  -- too much blood --

  Even with all that going against her.

  Even with all that.

  It was undeniable.

  She looked like a movie star.

  ~ ~ ~

  Cold air rushing in like a wave.

  Cold air rushing out, taking someone with it.

  "Katherina, no!" Mike reached over, just in time, pulled her back in.

  "No, have to help her," Katherina said, pulling away, opening the door agin.

  "No -- wait! Use these," Mike said, pointing to the box on the back seat floor.

  "Wha -- oh, totally." Jake the P, popping into producer mode. Quickly, he pulled the footlocker onto the seat, and quickly opened it. Bottles of turbo fog juice --

  -- and a crapload of flash grenades.

  They all grabbed one.

  ~ ~ ~

  "Hurry." (Katherina.)

  "Like this." (Jake the Producer.)

  "Let's do it." (Mike.)

  "One ..."

  "Two ..."

  "... NOW!"

  ~ ~ ~

  The three of them popped open their particular car door at the same time.

  They jumped out.

  Pulled the pins.

  Then --

  -- threw their grenades.

  And man oh man, as fast as they could, dived back into the car, and lock-lock-locked their doors.

  ~ ~ ~

  The first grenade went off.

  It was super bright, as advertised, and there was a red-haired yelp, and a shark-beasty hiss.

  The second one went off.

  -- B R I G H T --

  Mike and Katherina and Jake the P shielded their eyes -- bright, even with eyes closed --

  Katherina opened her eyes first.

  "Look," she said, in somewhat of a puzzled voice.

  The men opened their eyes.

  Out in the clearing, out there -- the shark beast creature. It looked stunned, twitching, tentacles whirling, disoriented.

  It took a moment for what puzzled Katherina to puzzle Mike and J the P...

  Sienna.

  Gone.

  A silence.

  "Did we ... blow her up?" Jake the P wondered, miles away from smiles.

  More silence.

  Katherina was about to say something.

  But she was interrupted by the sounds of shattering glass, as a rock bounced against the side of the fog-juice-and-grenade footlocker (Jake the P grabbed the box, protectively) ...

  The car window (the one Sienna had been banging her head on) was shards and glass splinters.

  And there she was --

  Sadie Sienna.

  Peering in.

  Bloody.

  Skin ... shredded.

  Muscle showing.

  Bone showing.

  Hair matted. Mangled. Tangled. Hanging by ripped out roots on a loose flap of scalp.

  Grisly.

  Unbearable.

  Shocking.

  And totally insane with anger.

  She didn't look like a movie star no more.

  ~ ~ ~

  She, or what was left of her, screamed at the top of her pierced, gore-filled lungs.

  "I ... HATE ... ALL OF YOU JERKS!"

  And then she spit -- or tried to.

  And after that, her last spiteful move in an endlessly spiteful life --

  She chucked the unexploded flash grenade right into the footlocker with the fog juice and all the other flash grenades.

  ~ ~ ~

  "Ohhhhhh... poo," Jake the P sighed, wide-eyed and disbelieving (as Sienna's grisly smiling used-to-be-a-face slid out of view), sat there for an instant -- frozen -- staring down into the footlocker.

  Then --

  He looked up, with those wide eyes, and, jaw dropping, whispered something -- then repeated it, way way way out loud --

  "GET -- OUT -- OF -- THE -- CAR!"

  It was a good thing he didn't have to say it twice, because he wouldn't have been able to manage it -- his voice just cut off with a crooked jerk --

  But as it was, once was enough.

  Again, three door flew open, simultaneously, and everyone dived to get out as quick as they could.

  And sadly, everything -- once again -- went real bad, real fast.

  ~ ~ ~

  Mike and Katherina stumbled and rolled their way out of the car on top of each other.

  But Jake the Producer got done in by one of his props.

  That endless hunk of hose, from the turbo fog machine -- it wrapped around his leg, somehow, and the seatbelt -- some tangled bit of discarded skank-actress clothing -- tangled everywhere -- like she tied it to him --

  "Oh... women," he sighed, as he got caught in the car --

  "Watch out!" Katherina shrieked, as Mike started to dart back to the car, to help --

  Mike blinked and --

  Thump.

  Something --

  Flash --

  The shark beast, no longer disoriented, attracted apparently by Sienna's blood, smeared all over the door, the broken window --

  It was on the door, half through the window, attracted by the scent, and -- inside! -- something thrashing! something big! --

  Mike blinked again, and made a move to do something anything --

  "No, Mike, no!" yelled Katherina and Jake the P simultaneously.

  Mike blinked a third time and --

  No.

  Can't just stand her
e.

  Doing nothing --

  So he leaned down, came up with a big, sharp jagged rock --

  Raised the rock high --

  Let out a warning howl --

  Took a threatening step --

  And then --

  And then --

  And then --

  ~ ~ ~

  -- BRIGHT --

  ~ ~ ~

  -- B R I G H T --

  ~ ~ ~

  Like the brightest noon on the brightest beach --

  On the Fourthiest Fourth of July.

  Then the fog juice went off.

  And then -- something -- went --

  BOOOOOOOM!

  ~ ~ ~

  -- B R I G H T --

  ~ ~ ~

  -- and another BOOOM -- a couple maybe -- it was all LIGHT and SOUND, everywhere -- and the car went off and up, up, UP just like you saw in the movies -- the real movies -- and Mike and Katherina were blown off their feet and into the air and came down hard as waves of liquid fire spiraled around them.

  Mike went out -- hit his head on a bigger, sharper rock than the one still in his hands --

  But Katherina, she was just dazed, so when she got her triple vision down to double then down to one fuzzy gaze ... she saw what no one else did that night.

  She saw a multi-tentacled hissing ball of fire hopping and bopping and slithering out of the burning car window, heading out into the far shadows and into the woods.

  A scrambling, whirling dervish, ablaze, spinning in sharp, jerky half-circles, whipping its black tongue madly...

  Katherina watched it, until the light from it all was finally obscured by distance, the night forest, and her dimming consciousness.

  And if that weren't enough--

  BOOM!

  BOOM!

  BOOM!

  And so on.

  ~ ~ ~

  Jake the P's fleeting thoughts, as he closed his eyes:

  Hot naked chicks.

  Stuff getting blown up.

  The motherlode.

  Tentacle SIXTEEN

  fresh smokin' hot dish from

  the gossip-celeb website

  GAWK OF THE TOWN

  Street Date -- Updating --

  Wow, whoda thunkit? The cheesiest movie studio in Hollywood has, for the past few weeks anyway, been the most famous...

  ... they haven't seen this much PR since the multiple lawsuits over "Ghoul With The Wind" from both the Margaret Mitchell estate and the National Ghoul Society. (That's a real thing?) (Apparently.)

  Well, no sense going over each gruesome detail, but for those who've been living under a rock (and, in a way, we sure do envy you, whoever you are), here's a few loose ends and random ragged notes we tied up (so far) in this ever continuing shark-shakin' saga...

  *

  The film, originally titled "Shark Beast: Paranormal Sharkitivity," was finally released as "Shark Beast: Au Naturale", with extended footage of the sexual hijinks between the ill-fated producer and his even more ill-fated star. A cameo by supermodel Excite was included, then removed. No reason was given.

  Despite several by now obligatory lawsuits and court injunctions, the film made it to market all around the world.

  It is by far Beddlam Studioz's most financially profitable release. Ever.

  Only "Zombie Titanic" comes close.

  *

  In a related note: Beddlam Studioz is currently working on the "Sadie Sienna Story: To The Bitter End". Her younger sister Sade Sienna is rumored to be up for the lead.

  *

  Cast and Crew -- Where Are The Now?

  Unbelievably, considering his proximity to the footlocker full (!) of exploding flash grenades, "Jake the Producer" is recovering nicely.

  He's published his version of events, "Still Smilin', Kiddo."

  It is suspected to be extraordinarily ghostwritten.

  *

  A tribute to one of the industry's most popular and colorful behind-the-scenes wizards, "Camera Bob," will appear at the end of the month on "Turner Classic Movies." It will consist of his work with some of the greats and near-greats of cinema -- including his work with Beddlam Studios.

  He was last seen on police security videotape, bailing out two "goth" twins, who were serving time for contempt of court. "Camera Bob" was known for his exotic tastes in women.

  His disappearance -- along with the twins -- is still being investigated.

  *

  Three other actresses connected with the film are also missing.

  The one-named Britnee (just like Cher!) appeared in perhaps the only sequence in the badly-reviewed (to say the least) fish film to receive good notices -- the opening credit sequence, which was termed "delightfully James Bond-esque."

  The other two actresses are, according to Beddlam execs, "on the run." Reportedly unhappy with the on-set conditions (a common complaint with the so-low-it's-barely-called-a-budget company, where "no frills" is putting it mildly), the girls allegedly vandalized some camera equipment before "irresponsibly am-scraying" as one Beddlam source accuses.

  *

  A final actress (who had her face blurred in the film for lack of signing a release) ran off with the director.

  Several less than reliable sources report the couple is enjoying their honeymoon incognito in the Bahamas.

  *

  So, that's the Beddlam blather for now, but don't worry -- this truly is the story that won't die.

  But for those few (again, envying that rock) who don't care about teeth and tentacles and lawsuits, next week we promise to look we'll into some other slightly-less-controversial Beddlam new releases... like it or not, these fraudulent filmmakers are, if nothing else, the Gawk Of The Town...

  Hangover Vampires

  Kung Fu Zombies Vs Karate Megaformers

  Mars Needs Boobs

  Zombie Titanic 2

  How To Train Your Flesh-eating Goblin

  Charlie and the Werewolf Factory

  And, wowzah, howzah -- a GAWK OF THE TOWN exclusive ... seems a movie title we hepped out in jest turned into a true "inspiration"... "Larry Potter and The Cauldron of Caribbean Mega-Pirates With The Dragon Tattoo"... I guess they liked it so much they got confused and thought they came up with it themselves.

  So stay tuned for lawsuits galore--!

  Gawk ya later...

  ~ ~ EPILOGUE ~ ~

  A Week Later

  A sign, at the far edge of the dune.

  PARROT'S COVE

  BEACH

  Will Be Closed Until Further Notice

  We Apologize for the inconvenience.

  Someone had scratched out the word "inconvenience" and replaced it with a crooked red scrawl that read "SHARK BEEEST."

  Someone had added, in an eerie green scrawl:

  THE CURSE OF RAAT

  IS NOT OVER YET

  U SHOULD HAV LISTENED

  NOW ALL WIL PAY

  Other than that -- and a strangely unusual bit of fog -- it was a beautiful night.

  * ~ * ~ *

  All Rights Reserved

  Copyright by Russ Cooper

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  Sneak Peek:

  Enjoy this free look at

  the four following samples from...

  "SHARK BEAST"

  "VAMPIRE LAKE"

  "GIRL ON A LAPTOP"

  and

  "BY ALL MEANS, ROME"

  four thrillers by RUSS COOPER

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  All available from Amazon for your

  Kindle, iPhone, or Mac/PC

  Available for download today

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  ~ ~ ONE ~ ~

  Out On The Beach:

  A Knockout Of A 19-Year-Old

  I do what I feel like.

  With a belligerent pout, she reached behind her back--flick!--cast the bra off with the salted breezes, a silk whisper into the night. She was drunk, but--so what? I don't even care if someone sees.

  I hope someone sees,
what of it?

  Miami Prague was one knockout of a 19-year-old, standing there, drowsy and delightfully unsteady, smiling wickedly at the midnight ocean. She was supposed to be at work, her stupid little part-time job on the boardwalk, at the stupid little "Hermit Crab's Used Books" beach bookstore. Finishing up her shift. But...

  Hey. Whatever.

  She stood there--topless! que scandalous!--in the curtains of midnight, at the ebbing edge of the ocean, as diamond glitters of sand sifted through perfect toes. She supposed if she had to, if she wanted to, she could get the job back. A little flirting with the assistant manager--that little ska-surfer wannabe--yeah, he'd hire her back. Probably on the spot. Guys were like that. Especially dumb ska-surfer ones.

  Imagine what he'd do for me if he could see me now, she mused with a lopsided giggle. Probably even give her a raise.

  "Dream on, dude," she whispered. Too little, too late.

  But--enough about the job she currently didn't have. Who cares? What of it? Enjoy the night! That's what it was all about. And that she did, as she puckered exaggeratedly-- tasting the saltiness of the evening, letting the breeze brush against the soft plush of her lips. This must be like kissing me, she thought. Don't know what you're missing, dude. For a moment, the possibility of embarrassment--girl, you are so conceited!--but it passed. After all, she mused, It's true, isn't it?

  She looked at her beautiful reflection in the ebbing waves. Yes. What of it? And, since it was a sin to waste a pucker, she blew her reflection a kiss.

  Stupid jerk.

  Coulda been you.

  Taking a deep breath now, letting the saltiness cool against her breasts. A faraway sigh.

  Too little.

  Too late.

  Pouting again, she stepped--one toe--into the foaming wetness, and continued gazing at her beautiful reflection, looking wobbily back up at her. She watched herself watching, let her mind ebb, as her image undulated and pulsed in the liquid blue. Her mind emptied, until all there were, were bits of nonsense, non-sound, images and shapes and shadows, and colors--a lot of distracting thoughts, some naughty, others naughtier still--her smile widened, letting the night know she liked it that way--

  There was a streak in the water. Shooting star, reflection, most likely; what else could it be, right? It spiraled, ran off, sparkled past...so beautiful...